"Burning the Candle @ Both Ends"

So, I meant to compose a blog post yesterday . . . and I simply ran out of time. Again. This seems to happen a lot lately. ;) I made the comment the other day that I wish there were three of me . . . but then I'd probably have 3 times the adventures.

The phrase above came to mind. I think whenever we hear it, we envision someone running faster than they have strength. (Guilty as charged.) I decided to do a little research on this phrase and in current lingo, it means: To live at a hectic pace. That pretty well sums things up in my realm at the moment. So far this summer we've survived 2 weddings, a couple of funerals, and moving my mother to Bear Lake to live. (This was the result of wedding number one.) Last weekend marked the beginning of the traditional reunion bliss. And another reunion lies on the immediate horizon, not to mention another wedding (our youngest son) in August.

Throw in things like girls' camp, (Yep, I'm still the fearless leader in our ward's YW organization), gardening (this includes two flower beds at the church that our YW are in charge of each year), and trying to rewrite the beginning of a manuscript my publisher seems to want---and there just aren't enough hours in the day to accomplish everything.

As I was researching the origins of the ill-fated "burning the candle at both ends" analogy, I discovered that it possessed a very different meaning many years ago. Back in the day, candles were of infinite worth (unlike women, as mentioned in Nancy's blog post, but I digress). The notion of burning the candle at both ends exemplified tremendous waste. For obvious reasons, for a candle to burn at both ends, it has to be held in a horizontal fashion. This causes the candle to drip and burn out quickly. Hmmmmm. I suspect there is a lesson to be learned here. ;)

In my defense, I do try to work in a tiny bit of "me" time here and there. Yesterday I spent "me" time enjoying a much needed massage. Not only does this help immensely with the rheumatoid arthritis I've been blessed with, but it aids in relaxation. I didn't have time for it, but I returned home and enjoyed a short nap. And I noticed that I felt great the rest of the day. No, I didn't accomplish everything on my list of things to do yesterday (like this blog post) but I did tackle those things most important . . . and let the rest go by the wayside.

I suspect that is how I will survive the frantic days ahead. I'm learning the hard way that I have to pace myself . . . a lot. Burning the candle at both ends for me causes untold physical suffering. And when I go down in flames . . . it isn't pretty. I spent a couple of days in a little heap last week when I ignored this wisdom---my body refused to function. I wasn't feeling well, but I forced myself to attend a plethora of meetings (it was that monthly Sunday marathon when I start at 8:15 a.m. for ward council, and end the day around 8:00 p.m. following Youth Council and Bishop's devotional.) I had also worked in the the viewing of my husband's aunt that same night, and paid a huge price the next day. I woke up the next morning feeling like the last chapter. My in-laws were staying with us, and I forced myself into the shower, intent on cooking them a huge breakfast.

Usually I can get away with bossing my body around---not last week. As I dragged myself into the kitchen to fix the afore-mentioned breakfast, my body fought back. I became deathly ill. So much so, I retreated to bed before I hurled all over everything. My in-laws made do with cream cheese and bagels for breakfast.

We eventually learned that I had been fighting a kidney infection last week. Good times. ;) For a day or two, I wondered if I would be around to participate in my son's August wedding.

I'm more than likely writing this post as a reminder to myself that I need to slow down. I want to enjoy future fun times with my cute little granddaughter. (It's my goal to be an influence in her life. Someone has to be around to show her how to make mud pies.) My husband would like to serve a mission with me upon retirement. Lately he emphasizes that this will be easier to do if I remain on this side of the veil. ;) And I want to do things like dance at my youngest son's wedding in August. As such, I will be stepping out of my usual mode and attempt burning the candle at only one end. ;) Words to live by---quite literally.

Weddings & Funerals

It appears to be a strange phenomenon in our clan to experience the highs and lows of life all in one fell swoop. About 4 years ago, on the day of our second son's reception, a favorite uncle slipped through the veil. We were understandably in shock. One doesn't just cancel a wedding reception mid-stream, however. We forced ourselves through the motions, and tried to make the best of things that night. In fact, our youngest son and one of his friends, in trying to ease hearts, dressed up in their "interesting" Dumb & Dumber tuxedos for the occasion and manned the guest table in place of my m-i-l, who was having a difficult time that night. (It was her brother who had passed away.)

We received some interesting looks from some of our guests, but it did help lighten the mood for those of us who were grieving . . . and yet celebrating. In way of strange coincidences, the spouse of this favorite uncle, a favorite aunt, passed away this week . . . just before a nephew's wedding. So this weekend we are yet again combining a happy celebration, with one that is not so joyous. Ironically, flowers will be featured at both events.

Last weekend, my youngest sister, Trudi, and her beloved (John) tied the proverbial knot. And since they both love all things Celtic (both families have strong ties to Scottish and Irish ancestors) the reception was highlighted with things like kilts, an Irish piper performance, and my sister's wedding dress (made by Shar, a talented woman, and our s-i-l) that featured Celtic symbols.

It was an enjoyable occasion, and yet it too, was laced with a tiny bit of sadness. Since our mother had been living with Trudi, gears were shifted and Mom decided to leave Utah in a permanent fashion. Although this saddened family members living in that area, those of us in Idaho are excited to have her in our midst.

These days, when all around is chaos, I think it behooves us to look for the silver linings that are part of every cloud formation. So this week, while we are saddened by the loss of our aunt, we need to keep in mind the wonderful reunion taking place on the other side of the veil. And tonight, we plan to keep the mood light and fun (I wonder if I can find those silly tuxedos again) at our nephew's wedding reception. Things have a way of eventually turning out for the best. Hearts will heal, and tonight we'll do our best to celebrate life to the fullest. It is the Celtic way. ;)

Old Mother Hubbard Mode

Like many young children "back in the day," I learned a plethora of nursery rhymes while in my formative years. I often pondered the significance of "Old Mother Hubbard." For those not familiar with this particular tiny poem, it is as follows:

"Old Mother Hubbard went to the cupboard
To get her poor doggie a bone,
But when she got there, the cupboard was bare
And so the poor little doggie got none."

I always felt sorry for the poor little doggie. As such, I made sure our own family doggies had plenty to eat. ;)

In later years I learned that this simply rhyme had a hidden meaning. It was actually a political statement from the 16th century. (Click here for more information on that.)

I have also come to understand that this poem can also be a voice of warning for those of us who tend to run ourselves into the dirt. That is the angle I wanted to touch on today--the importance of keeping our own personal cupboards stocked.

Lately, it seems like all I do is run in crazy circles and operate Hotel Crane. ;) We have had a lot of family adventures in recent weeks. This past week alone, we have moved my mother to Bear Lake, and later this weekend, my youngest sister will be getting married. It is a crazy time. I have done my best to keep up with everything taking place. I have ignored something very important as a result.

Last night my oldest son commented on my current state of exhaustion. When I pointed out the obvious reasons for this condition, he merely shook his head and asked me when it was I had last done something for myself.

I have always believed in the importance of helping others, especially family and friends who are in need. It's part of my nature to attempt to lift up the hands that hang down . . . except when it comes to myself. Then I tend to shy away, figuring that is inherent to being selfish, which we all know is a bad thing. However . . . for us to be in a position to help others, we do need to keep our own cupboards stocked. It is crucial for us to be whole spiritually, physically, emotionally, and mentally.

My son made me promise that I will do something today that I enjoy. He also pointed out that this is something that I need to do every day to be a "whole" person. I'm beginning to believe he is on the mark with this suggestion. For me to be my best self, the self that can help others, I have to be strong in all aspects of my life. If I'm dragging bottom (don't make fun, it happens when you get to be my age) I'm less likely to be in a position to help others.

So . . . today as I drive to Utah with my mother for the impending nuptials, I will do my best to enjoy myself. I plan to do the following to restock my waning cupboards:

1.) I will appreciate the beauty of nature as we head down to Utah land. This shouldn't be too hard as I have to drive through a couple of canyons along the way.

2.) I will thoroughly enjoy the lunch we are planning to consume with my youngest sister upon our arrival. We're planning to go to a fun little restaurant for this adventure.

3.) I will play with my little granddaughter when we reach my son's abode. And since Aari and I both love to blow bubbles, I predict we'll have a right good time.

4.) I will spend a certain amount of time shopping!!! Always a fun thing . . . even if I'm buying things for other people, like wedding gifts.

Things I have already done: I always start my day with a private moment of prayer, meditation, and scripture study. That stocks my spiritual cupboard for the day. I also enjoy a nice, relaxing bath, which my body loves. This helps me physically. Now normally, I also walk with a friend in the early morning hours before it gets too hot. This helps my physical self get into better shape. ;) I won't get to work in a walk this morning, because of conflicting time schedules, but I will be doing a bit of walking while in shopping mode, so it all works out.

And to fill my mental cupboard, I wrote this blog. ;) I figure anything that makes me use my gray cells is a cool thing. And all of those things I listed above will help me emotionally since they're all items I enjoy. So by the end of today, I should be in fantastic shape for the week ahead. ;)

Take some time for yourself today. Do something you enjoy, whether it's reading a good book, painting a beautiful masterpiece, exercise, or even something as simple as watching the sun rise or set. Then draw in a deep breath and savor the peace. I suspect that's part of how we're all going to survive the crazy days ahead. ;)

Crazy Month!

Wow, I can't believe how crazy this month has been so far. All kinds of adventures. Some good, some not so good. But here we are at the end of May and we're all still standing. Somewhat. ;) To illustrate my point, I'll share a few pictures that will reveal why I have not spent much time blogging lately. (I will repent soon.)


I've spent quite a bit of time this month playing with my cute little granddaughter. She and her parents recently moved, an adventure we all enjoyed--possibly me more than anyone else. My job was to keep Aari entertained. ;)

We played at the park, played with sidewalk chalk, and even enjoyed exploring the amazing qualities of dirt.

Here Aari is posing with her mommy and daddy in our backyard.

The move was a great success---the weather, not so much. This is the kind of weather we've been enduring all month in Bear Lake. I took this shot just a couple of weeks ago.

Son # 1 (Kris) finished up a round of schooling this past month. The cool drum ceremony pictured above was a fun way of ending the year.

Son # 2 (Derek) received his official diploma after he and Kristen moved. They are now adjusting to their new home, and Derek to his new job. We went down one weekend to see them after they were settled and had a great time.

Here Aari is playing with her daddy and grandpa in the new living room of their home. (The furniture arrived the following week.)

Son # 3 (Devin) found himself engaged this past month to a beautiful young woman named Emily. We are tickled to add her to the fold. (You did well, Devy John!!!) So now we're preparing for 3 weddings this summer, two of which take place next month. (My sister, and a nephew are getting married in June. Devin and Emily will tie the knot in August.)

And since my youngest sister is getting married, my mother has decided to move to Bear Lake, so we've been scrambling ever since to pull things together for her. She wants her own place, and we found her a cute apartment in nearby Montpelier. We're looking forward to having her closer to us now.

So this past month we've seen a lot of fun changes, and some that were not fun at all. In the middle of all of the joyous events, close friends have suffered serious illnesses, their loved ones have endured painful procedures, extended family members are facing heart-wrenching trials, and one friend's son passed away unexpectedly. These are truly the times that try men's and women's souls. And yet, there is always hope for a better day. As such, I look forward to June, knowing both good and bad adventures await. And isn't that why we're in mortal mode? ;)

Transitions

The other day I heard someone exclaim that they don't like change. I'm sure my jaw hung open over that comment. Life is change. It has been my experience that nothing ever stays the same; I suspect it's part of the mortal experience.

I learned this lesson while quite young---we moved 8 times while I was growing up. This makes for entertaining moments whenever I'm asked about my hometown. Lately I've found that it's easier to express that I've lived all over Southeastern Idaho, and parts of Utah. I consider Ashton, Idaho my hometown, since that's where I graduated from high school.

I have lived in the following places: Roberts, Pocatello, Idaho Falls, Annis, Menan, Ashton, & Montpelier (all of which exist in Idaho), and my family dwelled for a time in Bountiful, Utah when I was in the fourth grade. Now if you were counting, you probably came up with seven moves. Since we moved back to Menan from Bountiful at the end of my fourth grade year, I consider that 8 moves . . . and that doesn't include the move from Montpelier to Bennington after I was married. ;)

Some of the moves were easier than others. I was about three years old when my parents left Pocatello, following my father's graduation from college. (He was a pharmacist.) That is when we moved to Annis. From there it was to Idaho Falls, after my dad completed his internship. Eventually my parents built a home in nearby Menan, and we lived there for a few years. Dad worked for Skaggs Drug in Idaho Falls during this time, then was promoted into management, and transferred to Utah. When he decided he didn't care for managing a large drugstore, we moved back to Menan, to the home my parents had built in that location. Then it was on to Ashton where my father had a chance to manage a small hometown drugstore. So on and so forth.

These moves were true character building moments---especially those that took place when I was approaching teenagehood. That age is difficult enough without the added challenge of repeatedly starting over and being labeled, "the new kid." And yet, I look back and I can see that the challenges that went along with each move helped shape me into who I am today. I learned to adapt to change, since things were rarely the same in my life. So by the time I went to college, I was used to life throwing twists my way. I was homesick for one day. Then I embraced college life and enjoyed every aspect.

One of my closest friends struggled with this experience. A friend of mine since high school, she had lived in the same place her entire life. She fought homesickness throughout our freshman year, and went home every weekend, until the time I hid her car keys. Our other roommates had conspired with me, and we kidnapped my friend, taking her to Jackson, Wyoming that Saturday. We then dragged her to a couple of college adventures that night and the next day. By the end of Sunday night, she was lecturing us for not doing something similar earlier that year. She had thoroughly enjoyed herself, overcoming the homesickness as we had helped her see the fun she was missing each weekend. Too bad there were only a couple of weeks left in what would be a final semester for her.

It has been my experience that life is often like a rollercoaster ride. There are numerous up and downs, and lots of scary stuff in the middle. ;) And yet, if you open your eyes and embrace the ride, there is a thrill not found on the complacent merry-g0-round. Ponder that analogy briefly. ;)

Through the years I have dealt with chronic illness (I've been a Type 1 diabetic since I was 19 and tested positive for lupus a few years after that), deaths of loved ones (a childhood friend passed away when we were in the 5th grade---since then I have lost grandparents, a parent, aunts, uncles, etc.), financial distress, worry over children, etc.

On the plus side, I have earned a college degree, married a wonderful man, given birth to 3 awesome sons, had 9 books published so far, and I held my beautiful first grandchild (a cute little girl) in my arms just minutes after her birth. This positive list goes on and on. There is so much of life that I have loved and savored, and I plan to savor more. I'm sure I'll be one of those who will leave this life kicking and screaming because I haven't sampled everything life has to offer. =D

Life is change. Those two words could be synonymous. If it wasn't that way, life would be stagnant. Reflect upon ponds of water that contain still water. They usually don't smell very nice after a while. This is the direct opposite of a refreshing stream that hurries forward continually. Movement\change is crucial to promoting growth. Not all growth is good\and\or\fun, I will admit, but without it, we would not progress. And how sad would it be someday to stand before our Maker and reveal that we spent our entire time in mortal mode hiding under the bed?!

Here's to enjoying the journey, making the climb, and cherishing each moment as it comes. Face the violent rainstorms with courage---even though the thunder makes us cringe, and the lightening often inspires us to run and hide. The new growth that will take place as a result is something to be appreciated, not feared. (Remind me I said all of this the next time thunderclouds appear in my sky.)

A Four Letter Word

There are several four-letter words in the English vocabulary. Some of those are considered inappropriate. ;) The four-letter word I'm thinking of today is on the other end of the spectrum: HOPE.

A couple of years ago, we did a fun craft at girls camp and we each made a handy tote bag, utilizing inspiring quotes, bright ribbon, and paints. My bag proudly shares this saying: "With hope, each of us can live a life with peace, faith, and love."

It can be difficult to cling to hope when challenges descend, especially when some trials extend through several years. Those are the moments when we sometimes wonder if our prayers are being heard. What I've been learning lately is that our prayers are always heard, but they are often answered in ways we don't envision. And always, our Father, who sees the entire picture, helps us through, despite our fearing doubts.

Recently we've witnessed some miraculous events in our family. Without divulging details, may it suffice to say that a couple of the challenges have been heart-wrenching. There were days when we wondered if we would survive. And yet we did, sometimes by taking life one day at a time.

When walking a darkened path, it is scary to take a leap of faith. To hope for brighter days when
there is no apparent light. And yet it is during these murky moments when we can prove our mettle. And as the scriptures state, it is often after the trial of our faith that we gain the answers we seek.

So today I am grateful for the knowledge that even when all seems lost, we are not alone. I am overwhelmed by the tender mercies that are extended daily from heaven, especially when we're drowning in dark despair. Though the path ahead may often seem unclear, guidance, comfort, and the peace of heaven can be ours when we use hope as our shield against life's storms.

"I'll Know You By Heart"

A few weeks ago, I was given the chance to read a novel by a new author, Kimberly Job. When her book arrived, I was intrigued by the cover. I thumbed through the first few pages, and was instantly hooked by the storyline.

This work delves deeply into the troubled world of marital malevolence. Stephanie, the protagonist, has suffered repeated physical and emotional abuse at the hands of her husband, Mark. One night after enduring another severe beating, Stephanie gathers her three children, and flees their home. This time Mark had not only struck her in anger, but he had also hit their teenage son, Tyson, when the young man tried to intervene. Deciding Mark had crossed an invisible boundary, Stephanie seeks solace and safety at her mother's abode. She files for divorce and soon finds a small apartment where she attempts to rebuild a safe life for herself, and her children.

Discouraged after spending several days job hunting, Stephanie eventually lands a position as a receptionist at a pediatrician's office. A natural with children, Stephanie impresses the doctor by her compassionate nature. She quickly learns the skills needed for the business end of this occupation, and she is thrilled by her ability to provide a livelihood for her children. Ranging in ages from sixteen to eleven to seven years old, each child is dealing with a variety of emotions. Stephanie does her best to help them cope, but her two younger daughters don't fully understand all that has taken place, and the eleven-year-old, Maddie, seems especially resentful of the situation.

In the middle of all of this, another character is introduced: Jared. Recently widowed, Jared is struggling with raising his five-year-old daughter on his own. He alternates between extreme grief, disgust, and anger over the way his deceased wife had embraced the dark world of alcoholism. Dying in a car accident while drunk, his wife had never seemed happy in her role of wife and mother. Absorbing enormous pain, Jared is trying to piece his life back together as best he can. Realizing he will need another caretaker for his young daughter, he meets Stephanie at the pediatrician's office, and the two agree to a babysitting arrangement. This will provide Stephanie with much-needed added income, and Jared's daughter with a safe place to stay after school each day.

Just as Stephanie's life seems to be sorting itself out, a dark cloud of fear descends as her soon-to-be-ex-husband discovers where she is now living, and where she works. Mark is determined to be reunited with his family and he resents the time Stephanie spends with Jared. Out of control, he strikes back in a familiar fashion, leaving his family in a nightmare of turmoil and pain.

This is a novel that touts survival despite horrific circumstances. I believe it will do much toward helping those who may be enduring a similar situation and that it will open the eyes of others who do not. Unfortunately, we live in a society where abuse is on the rise, an evil tendency that needs to be eliminated.

I'm giving this novel a thumbs way up. In my opinion the author, Kimberly Job, has written a timely book with an important message. Abuse should not be tolerated in whatever form it surfaces.

You can purchase "I'll Know You by Heart," on this link: Buy this book

And you can read other reviews here: "I'll Know You by Heart"